There are many relationships that require submission—a church member to an elder, a child to a parent, a wife to a husband, an employee to an employer.
What do you do if the person to whom you must submit is in the wrong? Or, you believe, could simply use a little of your helpful guidance?
Say Something, Gently. Often your relationship is good enough that you can offer your advice in a gentle way, that does not threaten the individual nor challenge his role.
Sadly, foolish pride prevents many leaders from benefitting from their subordinates. Employers miss out on many great opportunities to succeed when they create a climate in which employees are afraid to speak their minds. Just think of the miracle that Naaman would have lost had he automatically boxed the ears of the Israelite servant girl when she came to him and said, “I wish that my master were with the prophet who is in Samaria! Then he would cure him of his leprosy” (2 Kings 5:3).
Decisions are in the hands of leaders, who shall give an account to God (Hebrews 13:17). But elders rob themselves of many valuable eyes and ears when they refuse to consider the perspective of the congregation. The Scriptures say, “The way of a fool is right in his eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” (Proverbs 12:15). “Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory” (Proverbs 11:14)—can there be a better group of counselors than a church full of like-minded Christians, all striving for the same goal?
This is especially true of some husbands, who are too overbearing or unreasonable to consider their wives’ wisdom. Wives not only are “a fellow heir of the grace of life,” but are often more intuitive, personable, observant, and godly. Husbands who belittle their wives resemble Nabal, who was such a foolish and “worthless man that no one can speak to him” (1 Samuel 25:17). Not even the smartest and most spiritual person in his home, his wife Abigail, could reason with him, and he suffered an awful price as a result.
Appeal to the Word. There is a higher authority than the most powerful leader, and that is the Bible! A wife may not be able to convince her husband to give up his drunken ways for her sake or for the children’s sake, but she can gently remind him what the Bible says about it. Now, he defies God, rather than her! Even a child can remind a parent about a passage of Scripture.
Be a Good Example. Quality work and cheerful vibes are infectious. Be a great person and a diligent worker, and your superiors will naturally value your insight and opinion.
Many are the wives who have led their husbands to Christ through the irresistible power of a good example. “You wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1-2).
Wish your church leaders would do more? Do more yourself. Wish your boss would be more honest? Be honest yourself. In every relationship, show yourself an example of “speech, conduct, love, faith, and purity” (1 Tim. 4:12) and they—no matter who they are—will be impressed and challenged to change. A good example may be the best kind of leadership, for it needs no title, no badge, to succeed.
Submit Even in Disappointment. Not every situation can be changed. Sometimes people just don’t see things our way; sometimes people insist on being wrong! Submission, however, is demonstrated not so much when we agree with our leaders, but when we disagree with them.
Peter, in a different context, teaches us something valuable about how we should behave when we think our leaders are way out of line. “Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly” (1 Peter 2:18-19).
Kids, when you turn 18 you can make your own rules. Wives with difficult husbands, seek the advice of others for coping strategies. Employees, don’t leave your family in the lurch, but begin seeking other forms of employment elsewhere. Pray that God will change things for the better.