Not all bad behavior is what we would call sinful, selfish, or even unwise. It’s just … it’s just … well, it’s just plain annoying!
The book of Proverbs identifies a few behaviors to avoid simply because they irritate everyone else in the room. Which is important not least because rubbing people the wrong way prevents subsequent efforts to share the gospel. Followers of Jesus should have a winsome character.
Without getting more worked up than Solomon intends, here are a few more annoying behaviors that the author of Proverbs encourages us to avoid:
Dropping in All the Time
Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor’s house,
Or he will become weary of you and hate you (Proverbs 25:17).
Of course, we want to be hospitable and loving (Rom. 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9), and it’s mostly a joy when people come over. But pop in unexpectedly, or too frequently, or when the family is just sitting down to dinner, and such intrusions will become dreaded rather than appreciated. They add the burden of entertaining others to an already busy schedule, or distract from the few precious moments of purely family time that people have these days. People may not come out and say that you’re being a pain, but they’ll be thinking it.
Calling Too Early in the Morning
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning,
It will be reckoned a curse to him (Proverbs 27:14).
I know you couldn’t wait to tell me your kid won an award, but your text could have waited until after 5:00am! Have some common courtesy, would ya? Not everyone is a morning person. Save it for 8:00am or 9:00am so you don’t ruin my whole day.
The same cautions could be said of texting or calling too late at night, for those with an early bedtime. Really, any communication that suffers from insensitive or poor timing can prevent it from being the blessing you intend.
Kidding Around Too Much
Like a madman who throws
Firebrands, arrows, and death,
So is a man who deceives his neighbor
And says, “Was I not kidding?” (Proverbs 26:18-19). Listen closely. Practical jokes and playful insults are all fun and games … but only if you know the other person well enough, and only if you don’t take it too far. It can be perceived as very inappropriate if it’s directed at a new acquaintance who doesn’t get your humor yet, or anytime it crosses the line. Or when it’s too common. “I’m never sure if he’s joking or serious,” is not a quality we want to have others attribute to us.
The proverb above seems to be written in extreme language. Really? A little playful humor is like a crazy bomb-thrower? But yes, in some situations, close relationships have been broken asunder by unwelcome joking.
Sarcasm requires an especially deft touch, and too much clumsy sarcasm becomes a real tum-off. I especially encourage married couples to treat marriage as a sarcasm-free zone. There is a grain of truth to every slight. You might quickly follow, “You’re such a slob,” with, “Oh, I was just kidding!” and even add a smiley-face emoji or two or three, but it will not erase the nagging suspicion that you really meant that cutting remark.
Interrupting People Mid-Sentence
He who gives an answer before he hears,
It is folly and shame to him (Proverbs 18:13).
Did you know that on Jeopardy, the little thumb buzzer doesn’t work until the host finishes reading the last word of the questions? I wish this were true in everyday conversation.
You may think you already know what I’m going to say, but be quiet anyway and let me finish talking. Because you probably don’t, and even if you happen to guess right, you’re being rude by not letting me finish my thoughts. It makes me think you don’t care about what I have to say; you just want me to hush so that you can spill out your great wisdom. Half of being a good friend is being a good listener. Learn some manners!
—John Guzzetta