Not all bad behavior is what we would call sinful, selfish, or even unwise. It’s just … it’s just … well, it’s just plain annoying!
I would put in this category chewing with your mouth open, serving the ball when I’m not looking, and using your iPad to video a concert when I am sitting in the row behind you trying to watch my kid perform. But I’ll resist checking off all my personal pet peeves (I’m sure my friends wish I’d correct some of my bad habits, too). Still, I find it very interesting that the book of Proverbs identifies a few behaviors to avoid simply because they irritate everyone else in the room.
We might find this too trivial to deserve a place in God’s revealed word. But, pleasant behavior that is self-aware is part of loving your neighbor as yourself. Besides, it’s helpful to be liked by most people, without rubbing them the wrong way unnecessarily. Romans 12:16-18 says,
Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation… Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
It would be difficult to reach out with the gospel if people cringed and looked for the exit when they saw me drawing near. Irritating behavior is anti-social behavior, and is likely to drive away the very friends, coworkers, and acquaintances who are prospects for the kingdom.
Without getting more worked up than Solomon intends, here are a few annoying behaviors that the author of Proverbs encourages us to avoid:
Drawing Too Much Attention to Yourself
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
A stranger, and not your own lips (Proverbs 27:2).
Patting yourself on the back is often a sign of insecurity or desperation.
It’s also very prideful. Ever heard the non-joke about how many seconds it takes a Harvard grad to slip into a conversation the fact that he is a Harvard grad?
Hey, everyone wants to be recognized for an accomplishment or a job well done. Let it come naturally. Better to “clothe yourselves with humility” (1 Peter 5:5) and “not to think more highly of himself than he ought” (Rom. 12:3). The real measure usually is not how I think I did, but how others think I did. What a massive difference exists between “have you heard me play the piano?” and “have you heard her play the piano?”
Inserting Yourself in the Middle of Other People’s Affairs
Like one who takes a dog by the ears,
Is he who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him (Proverbs 26:17).
It’s common decency to stay out of an argument that doesn’t involve you. It also is a path of safety—people often get injured when they jump into a dogfight!
Sure, be helpful and loving to work toward the reconciliation of other people (Phil. 4:2, Matt. 5:9). But pick your battles, and learn when your input is welcome, and when it’s better to keep your nose out of other people’s business.
Inappropriate Mirth
Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda, Is he who sings songs to a troubled heart (Proverbs 25:20).
Vinegar on soda and a blast of freezing air on bare skin cause shocking reactions. A poorly-timed joke causes the same. Don’t be that guy who bursts into loud guffaws of laughter at a funeral visitation. Let’s learn to be a little more mindful of our surroundings.
Trying to artificially, prematurely cheer up a grieving person is well-meaning, yet very unkind. Usually such blunders occur because we as comforters aren’t sure of what to say to those who grieve. You don’t have to say anything. Job’s three friends did their best work when they kept quiet (Job 2:13). A grieving person doesn’t want to be told everything is fine, or to be invited to the movies to get his mind off things. A griever certainly does not want to be told “I know how you feel” (which is very presumptuous) or “it’s not that bad” (which is very insensitive).
—John Guzzetta